


Here be Homeland

by MemoriesofMiltia



Category: Xenosaga
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9515567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemoriesofMiltia/pseuds/MemoriesofMiltia
Summary: Just because chaos was no longer with them physically didn’t mean that all he left behind were memories of him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story was heavily inspired by A Scenery Bleaker Than Häagen-Dazs by seablove, so I really recommend checking it [out!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpLkl-gPPIU) Hopefully it’ll help get you into the mood!

Just because chaos was no longer with them physically didn’t mean that all he left behind were memories of him.

It was right when what was left of the Elsa crew was discussing the route they should take to find Lost Jerusalem with Shion, Allen, and The Godwin Sisters when Jr. burst into the bridge, carrying what looked like the world’s biggest and thickest black quilt, along with a small, but fat notebook that sat on top of it, looking like he’d been given the library of Alexandria and all the Western movies in existence for Christmas.

“Everyone, come over here and look at what I found! You’re not gonna believe this!” While everyone did pause and stare at Jr. (The Elsa crew looked confused and worried, both Shelly and Mary stared at Jr. like he was a little kid playing with something both expensive and fragile, and Shion and Allen just seemed baffled, for better or worse), no one came forward to examine whatever potentially dangerous objects he had in his hands.

“Little Master, what exactly is that? Where did you find it?” Matthews asked.

“C’mon, stop staring at me like I just found a bomb! It’s a gift from chaos!”

“What?! How on Earth is that even possible?!” Shion cried as, this time, everyone besides Mary and Shelly gathered around to see exactly what chaos had left them-even though it was practically impossible for him to drop off a gift somewhere in the Elsa and leave again.

“Again, where the hell’d ya find those things?!” Matthews barked, picking up the notebook and taking a peek inside before handing it off to Shion. “You might wanna take a look at this first, Miss Vector. Let me know if he says anything to the rest of us.”

“I got bored, so I was exploring around chaos’s room and found these taped underneath his bed!” Jr. half-yelled back.

“I don’t think you just find things like that by exploring, Little Master!” Mary called back, a half-teasing smile on her face.

“Indeed. I believe most people would call that snooping.” Shelly chimed in, her face as blank and serious as ever.

“Well..so what if I was? You can’t blame me for being curious about what lurks in chaos’s room!” As she opened up the notebook and read the letter inside (all done in green ink and mostly neat handwriting that looked like it’d come out of an old, religious book in a foreign language that Jin had showed her once), Shion only half-focused on the conversation, more interested in absorbing whatever chaos had left for them than actually taking part.

‘Shion,

If you’re reading this, it means that something has happened that prevents me from defending my bedroom, for good or ill. I hope it means that, somehow, the Recurrence of the universe was prevented. 

It’s alright if that doesn’t make any sense to you now. I’m sure that, eventually, it will.

Whether my hopes have come true or not though, I want to say thank you. Before I encountered you, I was sitting in a bog of doubt, able to help others, but unsure as to whether or not I should continue sitting or try to pull myself out. Being with you, KOS-MOS, Jr., Allen, Ziggy, M.O.M.O., and everyone else, being surrounded by such active, passionate, and hopeful people who had a tendency to leap before they looked around and make bets and plans that risked their very lives and more made me feel more alive and awake than I had before.

You and KOS-MOS especially reminded me of my roots, of the person I once was and the hopes I had then. You all moved like a single thought could change the world, like everything in this universe could be found, examined, understood, and changed so long as you believed so and kept digging for the answers and goals that you sought. Believe it or not, I wasn’t always this slow, even if Jr. might have a hard time believing that. I was like that once too. And thanks to all of you, I’ve managed to pull myself out of the bog and make a decision.

I would like to believe, once more, that humanity can change things through the light of their spirit, even if it seems impossible. I want to continue to believe that. I suppose this all sounds like something Jin might say. If that bothers you, then I truly am sorry. I am simply trying to say that being around your burning, careless, pained hearts warmed, stirred, and lit mine up once again. Thank you.

If my hopes have come true and humanity needs to find its roots again, then please use the map included with this notebook. It may not be perfect, but I hope it helps, even just a little. Good luck with whatever happens and with whatever you decide to do. I hope that you let everyone help you so that you don’t become too weary and burnt-out. They’re your friends. They care about you as much as I do. I shall help you too, whenever we meet again.

See you later,

chaos.’ 

“chaos..” Shion sighed, drinking in every word, emotion, and meaning that her odd, wise, calming friend had left her. It was impossible to know exactly when chaos wrote all this (at least, not without examining the notebook further and doing some testing on it), which made it even more difficult to figure out exactly how or when she and the others had moved chaos’s spirit to action, whatever that meant for him at the time. She couldn’t remember any singular point in time where they did something that would’ve moved him, but..chaos always was a little enigmatic about his emotions (or anything else about him, really). Besides, in a way, the how, why, and when didn’t matter. All that did was the fact that it had happened. By making mistakes and errors both large and small, by lashing out at each other, by trying to help random strangers, their friends and loved ones, and each other, by trying to understand the true nature of things, and by trying to connect to the ones they loved, they had managed to help him, bit by bit, just as he had helped them, and the thought of that quietly occurring, unnoticed by them, squeezed and warmed Shion’s heart to the point where she had to pause for a moment and soak in the feeling. 

But only for a moment. There were still two questions begging for an answer: how did chaos know that they would need a map to Lost Jerusalem? And where exactly was this map? The answer to the first question was impossible to answer without chaos around, and as Shion flipped through the notebook, she only found letters addressed to Allen, M.O.M.O., Jr., Matthews, Tony, Hammer, Jin (..It looked like he wrote the letter or last touched the notebook before their final confrontation with Wilhelm, then), Gaignun, Albedo (for some reason), Ziggy (whose letter was rather long, for some reason), KOS-MOS, and..Mary, along with a lengthy reference list and color chart for the map in question (‘in case you all have a hard time reading my stitching or in case the names of some stars and plants have changed over time.’, chaos wrote, and Shion could almost hear a chuckle in those words). There wasn’t any map in the notebook, but..the fact that he’d said-or wrote, in this case-‘stitching’ implied..that he’d made it out of cloth.

So, as Shion closed the notebook and handed it back to Matthews, she smiled to herself, feeling like a tiny star had just burst into life within her, and as Jr. hopped about like a red, ravenous frog, Matthews gave the both of them a questioning look.

“Well, what did he say, Miss Vector? Just for you, or did he leave something for the rest of us?” Not that Matthews would’ve blamed chaos if he didn’t leave them anything, but..it would have been nice to get something, considering how much he did for them and how fond of him they’d become over the years, even if he was cagey sometimes. It was hard not to like someone who saved your hide and decided to join your crew so that they could continue to do so for no reason and very little pay.

“He left letters for you and Hammer and Allen, and all sorts of other people. Even Albedo got one-“

“Even though that lazy bastard doesn’t deserve anything nice from chaos!” Jr. exclaimed, and while his words were harsh, his tone was purely teasing. “But nevermind that. Did you see that chart he made for all of us?!”

“Chart? What kind of chart?” Allen asked, a hesitant look on his face.

“A star chart, one that’s supposed to lead us to Lost Jerusalem. One that’s supposed to be made out of cloth.” Shion answered.

“Just like the ones old sailors used back home.” Jr. grinned, like a kid who’d finally been allowed to open his Christmas presents. “Considering everything that’s happened, I thought I’d let you read your letter first, but everyone else can wait. Feast your eyes on this!” And before anyone could complain, object, or stop him, Jr. unfurled the massive bit of cloth, which was so large that it covered half of the Elsa’s bridge, along with everyone’s feet. Strewn about the map were thousands of colorful dots with small, white labels stitched beside them. Blazing red stars, green, mossy spots to show planets that had life and tranquil blues to point out the ones that didn’t have any, thoughtful greys to show where moons lay, and orange, playful gas giants, were just some of the countless other colors that were sprawled out before them, and as everyone stared down at it in amazement, Shion felt like she was staring down from on high into a little slice of the universe, something that was foreign and familiar all at once. It made her feel..nostalgic, for some reason.

“You really shouldn’t have done that.” Hammer complained, even as he crouched down to get a better look. “It’s going to be even harder to find Earth if the map gets stuck somewhere. And we can’t even walk around like this.”

“I had to do it though! chaos’s room was too small for me to flip it out like this, so I had to look at it piece by piece, even though it kept begging for me to unroll it. Plus, it feels like we’re honoring him by doing it this way.”

“I guess..” Allen said, looking to and fro for their elusive destination. “But how did he even know to plan for all this? It’s not like you could just make something like this overnight.”

“Well, he was always weird when it came to knowing things about the future.” Tony quipped, and while Matthews glared at him for calling chaos weird, he continued on. “After the first time we met him, we never played a game of cards with him. We’d always lose somehow.”

“From what he wrote though, it doesn’t sound like he saw any of this coming at all. He was surprised and moved by our actions.” Shion chimed in. “It sounded like he just always hoped that humanity would try to go back to Lost Jerusalem.”

“Could you stop calling it Lost Jerusalem?” Hammer asked. “We all know what it’s true name is, and knowing chaos, it’s gonna be harder to find this little dot if we just search for the alternate name.” Before Matthews could say that he thought finding said dot on the map would take just as long as finding the actual planet, Mary cried out from the far left corner near the helm where she’d managed to crawl to, using the Elsa’s desks and computers as platforms.

“Oh! I’ve found it! Little Master, everyone, get over here! I’ve got it!”

“At least we know where to go now instead of guessing on what the best and safest route would be.” Shelly said as they all scrambled over to have a look (which was easier for Jr., as he was small and had an easier time crawling over the desks and computers compared to everyone else). There, tucked away in the far left corner, lay a large, green dot with two white labels that read ‘Earth’ and ‘Lost Jerusalem’, along with a tiny line in Latin that had what appeared to be a dragon’s head next to it.

“What’s up with that?” Matthews asked, pointing to it.

“Some kind of warning?” Allen suggested.

“It says..’Here be homeland, dragons and all.’. According to my brother, anyway.” Jr. quietly answered.

“Well, whether he’s right or not, at least we know where to go. Anyone see where we are on this thing?” Matthews asked.

“I did. Hold on just a moment.” Shelly replied, climbing back to the front of the Elsa’s bridge until she was standing in front of the door. “Right here.” She said, kneeling down and pointing to a tiny green dot on the ground that seemed years away from the Earth dot. “It’ll still take us a good number of years to reach it, but it’s better than fumbling around in the dark.”

“We’ll still have to be careful though.” Jr. said as he started to roll up the ridiculously large map. “If the chart’s still accurate, there should still be a couple of asteroid belts in our way.”

“No problem! After everything else, asteroids’ll be a piece of cake!” Tony crowed.

“You moron. Don’t get cocky.” Matthews replied before turning his attention to Hammer. “Think you can get all this down into the computers, Hammer? It’d be easier on everyone if we didn’t have to pull that thing out all the time.”

“It shouldn’t be a problem, so long as you give me some time. The chart should be helpful too, if we actually want a map that warns of oncoming danger.”

“Sure, sure. Just after I finish reading whatever that man had to say.” Matthews replied, opening up the notebook and flipping to his own letter.

“Alright, but I get to look after you!”

“No way, man, I’m reading after him!” Tony cried.

“Really? You and what army?!”

“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if chaos told you two to stop roughhousing all the time.” Mary commented, and as Jr. finished rolling up the map, Allen sighed to himself, half out of exasperation and half out of tense, racing nerves.

“Honestly..those two never change, do they?” As he posed the question to Shion, Allen quietly, gently, like he was holding a newborn rabbit, took ahold of Shion’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, a nervous, but fond smile on his face, and while Shion paused for a moment, she couldn’t help but give him a small smile in return. Maybe it was just because chaos’s letter was still affecting her, but..to know that she was cared about and loved so much by the ones around her, both physically and in spirit, to know that everyone supported her and wanted to see her become the best person she could..she couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that as she squeezed Allen’s hand in return, even though Jr. was smirking at them. For once though, Allen didn’t seem to mind. They simply stood quietly together, hand-in-hand, smiling as they enjoyed the tiny warmth and love they shared together.

chaos didn’t leave behind just memories when he left. As always, he left behind words of encouragement, gratitude, love, hope, teasing remarks, and bits of the truth, along with a path to the future. And in those things, he quietly lived on right beside his friends as they plotted their course to a future where the universe might be saved.


End file.
